Reflections on My Year and Looking Ahead to 2025

Hello lovely.

It is that time of year again—a time of reflecting on the past year and looking (and planning) ahead for the following year. I generally have always liked this time of year. For the last ten years, I have filled out Susannah Conway’s Unravel Your Year workbook, and it’s become a personal ritual I do now every year. With it, I reflect on my year in a very mindful and introspective way, witness my growth and all the lessons I’ve learned. In doing so, I can see all that I’ve accomplished, all that I’ve missed, and all of the new things I’d like to explore in the new year. It’s a very interesting process of looking back on the past and planning for the future while sitting with all the feelings of the present.

It can be a very emotional process—and it has been for me, especially these last couple of years. A lot of things come up for me when reflecting back on all that has happened, especially in these last four years when I’ve done significant work in healing my heart and learning to sit with all the feelings instead of escaping from them.

I’m not going to lie, I cry a lot now.

And that’s okay, especially as I no longer feel broken.

Healing is funny. It’s never linear. 2024, for me, has felt like a never-ending rollercoaster with LOTS of ups and downs. There were some highs and lots of lows, but it was in those low, dark moments that I got to see myself—like really see myself. My word was Courage—Have courage, dear heart—which really pushed me out of my comfort zone and had me face a lot of fears. I processed A LOT of emotions this year, and one thing that kept coming up for me was the duality of it all—or as Liz Lamoreux likes to refer to it, The And Space.

The spaces I found myself cycling through often were hope and uncertainty, holding on and letting go, and happiness and heartbreak. Even though I’m better now than I was last year and the year before that, I’m still working through my heartbreak, which stirred up a lot of other things (like my fear of abandonment) that came up for me as a result of that experience.

I’ve worked through a lot of my shit. Like, reading back through my journaling, SO MANY THINGS came up, and I sat with all the emotions that followed. Three years ago, I was the type of person who would escape from the hard shit, now I sit in the mud of it all and let it wash over me. And it’s hard. 

I’ve realized through these last three years that I’m a slight control freak and often feel really unsteady when I can’t do anything to change certain situations in my life. The feeling of not being in control of certain things has been something I needed to contend with—and quite frankly, get over. I’ve been working on letting go of my need to control things, especially in regard to what other people do, because at the end of the day, the only things in life I have control over are my actions and reactions.

And I think that’s the thread that I discovered intertwined all of those And Spaces—the fact that I feel like I need to control everything.

I’ve really had to learn to sit in stillness instead of taking action. I’ve especially had to learn how to let shit go—and I’m still figuring the latter out.

Recently, I’ve been wanting certain things in my life to turn out a certain way and I’ve since realized that no matter how desperately I want something—and pray for things to go the way I want them to—if the conditions aren’t right (which they are not) no amount of wanting can make those things happen.

I had a true realization moment one day when I watched an Insta Story from Katie Licht. She was talking about her garden and how the condition of her soil wasn’t quite conducive for the type of flowers she wanted to grow when she said, 

“Wanting something desperately doesn’t always make it happen if the conditions aren’t right.”

That statement really resonated with some things I’ve been going through. This past year, I’ve been so consumed with trying to find my person. I was done with feeling sad and heartbroken over a relationship that, in the end, I realized wasn’t really right for me, that I so desperately wanted to be in one that was. After beginning to date again (and not having much success, to be honest), I met a guy this year who gave me hope. He was an absolute gentleman—startling so—and we genuinely connected so well. It scared me a bit how easy it felt to talk to him and we had an amazing first date. We struggled a bit planning our second date around work schedules, my work trip, and my trip to Japan, but we were both looking forward to it before his grandmother had a stroke, and he had to head back home to help his mom take care of her.

I know it wasn’t me—he communicated everything clearly to me (which made me like him even more); it was just awful timing—but I felt that awful pain of rejection and was mad at the Universe for introducing me to someone who had all of these qualities that I knew were important to me, only to not have it work out because of an unfortunate circumstance we call life.

I struggled with that for a bit, but looking back, I think I needed the redirection to work on myself and care for my inner child. I needed to care for her anxious attachment and abandonment wound and let her know that it was okay to not be chosen. That it has nothing to do with her and her worth. Because I have a lot of people in my life who do choose me. And I also had to learn to choose myself too.

And while I still would love to go on that second date or find someone else who’s like that guy—while I still want all of those things to happen—I’m learning to let go of the need for them too. Because it may not happen the way I expect it to and I’m learning to trust the Universe and its timing of things.

I know it’s a tough process, but it’s one I’m willing to embrace in the new year.

I’ve thought about it for a while and I think I’m leaning toward Release being my word for 2025.

I hold on to things that I should be letting go. And I know now that God can’t give me anything new with clenched fists. I know that sounds cliche, but I now genuinely believe that I need to release the things and people I have no business holding on to or controlling in order to be blessed by the Universe with things and people who are meant to stay in my life.

Anyway, I just wanted to share a bit of where I’m at right now. Lots of things to contemplate over here before the new year. What I know for sure is that I don’t want to take any of these things into the new year with me. These things are at an ending.

I’ve been holding onto that heartbreak for so long and recently seeing my ex move on with his life without me made me feel silly for holding onto that hurt for as long as I did.¹ Because I know deep down now that he’s never going to talk to me again. He’s never going to apologize. I’m never going to know or understand why he left without saying anything to me.² And it’s okay. I have to keep reminding myself that it’s okay because it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. The hurt is still there and it will always be there until it isn’t, and that’s okay too. I just feel it and let it pass. Time will continue to heal that too.

And it’s okay the Universe said no to that gentleman guy. The redirection was for a reason and while I can’t see it yet, I’m learning to trust it. I’m already beginning to practice letting go, so I feel Release will be a great word for me.

Happy New Year, loves. I hope whatever it is you’re going through, you’re navigating it with love and grace. Just remember you are worthy of all things and you are loved.

xx Tiffany